You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
