Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
