Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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