My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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