I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
