All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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