I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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