Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
