oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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