we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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