nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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