come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
