There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
