I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
