onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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