i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
