I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
