I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
