this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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