Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
