Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
