We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
