i think my tv is drunk
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
