I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
