please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
