hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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