Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
