He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
