Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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