..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
