Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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