Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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