There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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