Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
