and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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