you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
