Can i not drive my cunt home
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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