I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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