All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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