Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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