Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
