I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
