You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
