she woke up with a sticky ear
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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