Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
When are your genitals available?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
