I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
