you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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