I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
