im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
