Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
