i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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