i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
