That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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