Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
