The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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